Not too long ago, science told us we had all the brain cells we were ever going to have by the time we finished childhood. After becoming an adult, it was all down hill from there, brain-wise.
Thankfully, recent research confirms that the brain continues to grow new cells throughout life! Neurogenesis, as it is called, means that it is the process of learning itself that continues to stimulate the growth of new brain cells at every age. As an added bonus, this neurological growth is directly linked to people experiencing less stress and less depression in their lives. Research recently published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that learning to understand the relationships between emotions, thoughts, and actions helps people not just feel better, but also deal better with emotionally stressful situations.
The connection between this kind of learning and relaxation and pleasure in life makes a lot of sense to me. Life is often hard. Yet when we can figure out how to deal with the challenges that come our way—life seems more satisfying and even joyful. This kind of life learning can make us feel eager to move ahead in life. New challenges may seem like exciting opportunities to stretch our selves and expand our abilities.
In sharp contrast, though, we can feel unhappily “stuck” when we’re unable to solve the problems that stand in our way or avoid repeating the same mistakes. We may realize that we aren’t learning anything new, or doing anything different, but the accompanying sense of stress and depression make it difficult to get “un-stuck” again.
One interesting thing I’ve learned from the people I consult with is that it is very rare for anyone to feel “stuck” in every area of their life. I have found that looking for, and finding out more about these exceptions to feeling “stuck” can create opportunities for new learning and movement in life.
For instance, I once consulted with a young woman I’ll call Jill. When she first came to see me, Jill had been feeling “stuck” for years. She hadn’t been able to move out of her parent’s home or create a more interesting and satisfying personal life for herself. She drank too much, slept too much and felt bored most of the time. She didn’t like the feeling of “wasting her life,” but she couldn’t seem to get out of the “stupid, boring life” she was “stuck” in.
I asked Jill whether there were any other experiences in her life where she wasn’t feeling quite so “stuck,” and she told me about feeling “responsible and competent” in her work for a small non-profit. When I asked whether she had any idea about what made it possible for her to feel “responsible and competent” at work, she thought it might be that “at work, I take myself seriously.” I paused here to think of a great question that might take that insight to the next step. But Jill beat me to it, saying “Oh my gosh, I never thought about that before. Everything that I say I want to do in my life, I’m already doing it at work.”
As our conversation continued, Jill became more and more curious about herself: “How is ‘not taking myself seriously’ keeping me stuck?” Retracing the history of how she “lost the ability” to take herself seriously, and wondering about the possibilities of a future in which she once again takes herself seriously helped Jill move forward in her life.
It’s been my experience that curiosity, used with respect and appreciation, is a wonderful way to create new possibilities for more positive experiences in life. No one has to accept “feeling stuck.” Perhaps, you too are ready to learn something new about “getting unstuck” in life?
