Normal, everyday events such as getting out of bed and getting dressed are really not a big deal for a seven-year-old—so why is your son making it into such a big deal?

If you watch him closely, you may see the clues.  Does it seem like the more rushed you feel, the more slowly he moves?  As you begin to feel angry, does he seem to enjoy himself more?  Chances are that your son sees this ineffective morning routine in a very different light than you do.  What seems like opposition and non-cooperation to you may well be an entertaining, though useless, game to him.

Playing this game makes sense from your son’s point of view.   If he was independently getting himself ready in the morning, would he get very much attention from you?  Probably not.  But by going slowly and making everything more difficult, he gets the most intense kind of attention from you.  Many young children go through similar routines in the morning before having to say goodbye to their parents for the rest of the day for exactly the same reasons.

A win-win solution for both you and your son is to pay less attention to the useless games and create more useful games in your morning routine.  Let your son know ahead of time what you are planning to do, because that is kind.  But also let him know that you are firm about the new plans, because that shows respect for yourself as well as him.

  • At 7, he is ready for his own spiffy new alarm clock (without a snooze button, please).  If he isn’t out of bed when it is time to go, carry him to the car with his clothes in a bag.  Is this tough?   Yes, but your son has already demonstrated that he relishes tough situations with his former useless morning routine.  He can handle putting his clothes on and eating a piece of toast in the car or school bus.  If he doesn’t like the experience, he can also figure out what he can do differently the next morning.
  • Build in a plan for making mistakes, because no one is perfect.  If he makes you late, than it is only reasonable for him to be asked to repay you.  You can offer him the choice of repaying you in cash or in time spent doing some small chores such as taking the trash out of the car.
  • Your son would enjoy many types of fun “games” to have close interactions with you, so plan for 5-10 minutes and build them into your morning schedule.  The challenge for him is that this is what he can do with you when he is dressed and ready to go—that should be enough incentive most mornings for him to whizz through his routine and hurry to join you.  Invite him to join you in the kitchen to learn how to cut up apples or mix a smoothie in the blender.  Challenge your son to a pillow fight or a game of hide and seek.  Or cuddle up together and read the next chapter in an exciting book you are reading together.  The point is that there is a real purpose for him to want to get ready quickly and without a fuss—and that is to share some wonderful one-on-one time with you.